He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
