He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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