I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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