You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
