Need sex. Gaining weight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
