yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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