I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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