he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
