well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
