how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
