I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
