Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
