I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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