I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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