sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
