Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
