Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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