Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
