is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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