Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
