Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Vodka?
Forever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
