My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
