when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
