Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize