I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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