it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
