can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize