so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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