dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
