it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
