He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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