she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
