K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
