His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My ATM looks so different sober.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
