If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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