I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
