Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize