I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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