she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we made out on top of his cat.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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