carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
