dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
