yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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