The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize