fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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