ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
