There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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