i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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