I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
