she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just invented taco cereal.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
