now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
