I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
