that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
