I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
