Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How does it feel to date your dad?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
