Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
