Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
