Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
