I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
