Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
