dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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