I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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