haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
