U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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