$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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