You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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