If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize