You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
