is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
