when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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