Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
