He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
