I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize