He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she told me i tasted like america
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
