think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
