The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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