i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
