dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
