Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
