the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
