I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My feet surprised me
false alarm, still single
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