Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
