im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize