I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
