I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
