I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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