I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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