if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
