The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
