He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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