She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
