Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
