hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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