i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
