how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
