im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
