all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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