Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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