smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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