i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
