He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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