Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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