At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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